Just something I came across "Sisterhood of Sadness"

Author Unknown
"I was once a member of the Pregnancy Club, my membership card consisting of two pink lines on a stick. I was eager to pay my dues, just like all the other members. Morning sickness, stretch marks, cravings -- I welcomed them all.

But they never came. And before I knew it, my membership was revoked. No real reason -- at least none I could discern -- other than bad timing, perhaps. Or, at least, that's what everyone's been telling me. That and "God's plan."

Miscarriage is a terrible word. As if one has dropped something, or carried something incorrectly. Similar to "mistake" or "misunderstanding." How I longed for it to be either of those things when I learned my baby was gone. Surely, it was a mistake, I prayed. If they would just look again, they would learn it was all a simple misunderstanding.

But the ultrasound screen showed otherwise.

1 out of every 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, say the books. That statistic terrified me when I was pregnant. So many lost babies, I thought. How can I keep mine from being one of them? But now that mine is one of them, that 1 out of 5 seems awfully small. Or, at least, it did. Until soft-speaking female voices started whispering to me in my grief, "It happened to me, too."

Their eyes told me the stories of the pain that we shared, the pain that only a woman who has carried a child - and lost it - could know. For some, it was fresh pain. For others, it was dulled by healthy babies since born.

A sisterhood of sadness.

It's a silent group, this new club of which I have recently become a reluctant member. Our membership cards are the scars we will always carry on our hearts. Our dues are paid in blood and tears. It is a painful initiation, and one never ceases membership. Because one never forgets.

I am joining, not because I want to, but because I wasn't given the choice. But at least I know I'm not alone. At least I know there are hundreds of thousands of women with me, however silent and invisible, quietly holding my hand."

Miracle 2~ Stick baby stick!

After 6 years of trying and a miscarriage we were blessed with Ava, and I couldn't be happier. I was going to try some fertility boosters again this week when aunt flow arrived, however she never showed. So I took a home pregnancy test and to my amazement we are expecting. My mother-in-law says we are having a boy, I guess we'll see.
UPDATE: Well "little bean" didn't stick, I was very upset but can't help but see Ava as more of a miracle than I already thought. The hardest part of all of this, is my brother's wife will be expecting around the same time. I wish them nothing but the best but inevitably it will be a reminder of what we lost. We are trying again as I have the ovaries of a 45 year old so our chances of pregnancy as well as a viable one are slimming very quickly. Damn PCOS!

If you don't like hearing the word ovary don't read!

I think I have a few minutes while Ava entertains herself in her Winnie the Pooh walker and watches Baby Einstein. That is probably very poor parenting but she's enjoying herself so whatever.

Ava is doing great she is about 14 lbs and growing, she rolls from front to back and back to front and can sit for a few seconds unassisted. Her favorite toy is the white crinkly wrapper from a package of saltines. Yeah I know very bad parenting. I love my new job as mommy.

OK here is the bad news, I became really ill after Ava was born. It really got the worst when I tried to go back to work. For those who don't know I have a condition called PCOS(Polly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) which sounds like it would be simply an ovarian thing right, very wrong. Well the symptoms really vary from one preson to the next if you have a mild case usually there aren't many symptoms other than ovarian ones. Well lucky me I have the severe kind here is a list of my symptoms, warning I am baring some rather embarrassing things here...

• Extreme weight gain and it's almost impossible to lose without medication (I will go into detail further down)
  
• excessive hair in odd places
  
• infertilty
  
• major hormone imbalances that caused anxiety attacks, extreme sweating and major depression/bordering on suicidal
  
• Pseudo Tumor Ceribri( a very interesting condition where your cerebral spinal sac-the sac around your brain and spinal chord- doesn't drain the fluid off of your brain but continues to produce the fluid thus causing extreme pressure in the brain and on the optic nerve, to releive the pressure numerous spinal taps are required) sounds like fun huh? Oh yeah and I have the occassional siezure.
  
• Insulin Resistance-(from Wikipedia)Insulin resistance is the condition in which normal amounts of insulin are inadequate to produce a normal insulin response from fat, muscle and liver cells. Insulin resistance in fat cells results in hydrolysis of stored triglycerides, which elevates free fatty acids in the blood plasma. Insulin resistance in muscle reduces glucose uptake whereas insulin resistance in liver reduces glucose storage, with both effects serving to elevate blood glucose. High plasma levels of insulin and glucose due to insulin resistance often lead to metabolic syndrome and type 2 diabetes. In other words it makes you fat!
  

Then there was light I had been told I had this for years but either they didn't know how to treat it or they just didn't care to tell me but finally I found a Dr. that helped me. I was started on a glucose medication called Metformin ER just Met to my PCOS friends, I went on Atkins and started exercising. Talk about a 360, I lost extreme weight 115lbs to be exact, This medication was a miracle for me and everybody who cared about me. Besides the weight my mental health increased exponentially. Well anyways after fertilty treatments and a devistating miscarriage. We have our little one.

Now fast forward to right before Ava's birth. It seems so simple, I got a refill prescription for my Met, but somewhere someone didn't pay attention to what they were doing and I was given metformin as apposed to metformin ER, who would have thought there would be such a difference well there was. I started having trouble after Ava was born but I chalked it up to post pregnancy hormones there were quite a few different signs for one thing I had a heck of a time keeping my milk supply up(very typical of PCOS), I couldn't lose any weight even though I was nursing and even though I was walking 3 miles a day 6 days a week I would lose 6lbs then gain it right back and the Depression/Anxiety attacks came back full force as well as seizures.
When Ava was about 4 months something clicked, the details are long and pointless but my medicine was finally figured out and things are finally moving in the right direction. I'm finally feeling better and I've lost 10 of the 40 lbs I gained and I'm not gaining it back yeah!

Well I have to leave off here mommyhood is calling well screaming! I love you all.

"Breast Pumps Suck", pardon the pun.

My sweet little one will be 6 weeks tomorrow and I can't beleive it. I always thought it was stupid when my mom said "it just seems like yesterday...", now I understand.

Being the eu natural person that I am(also meaning CHEAP), I am doing the breast feeding bit. Here is just a few random thoughts on the matter~OW!, 40Ewhat!?, Nipple Confusion for the little one, ie. that ain't no booby, I want booby!

I have returned to work and I am still trying to figure how women do it. I am now on my third pump, my cousin gave me a Medela 1 side pump, that was greatly appreciated but it was taking 45minutes to pump both sides and it was a tad loud for a Spa. So ebay here we came, and we found a "quiet" double pump, for anybody out there don't waste your money on the Bailey Nurture III, unless you're buying it from me on Ebay. It was like a science project gone bad. I did however finally find a good one, drumroll... the cheap one from Target made by The First Years, what a life saver.

Even with all of that I could'nt seem to produce enough milk, so we started supplementing with formula, very bad idea, can you say constipation? Yeah and let me tell ya no baby is cute when they are constipated. Thank God for the internet, with a little research I found an herbal remedy, Fenugreek. They said you know you are taking enough when you smell like Maple Syrup, How weird right? Well it works I smell like Maple Syrup and my shirt was soaking wet this morning YEAH!

Enough about my boobs, well sortof. We have had a breakthrough, she is now taking both boob and bottle and growing by the second, I just need to teach her how to cook. At the last wiegh in which was last monday she was just over 8 lbs, she smiles and coos, when she is not screaming for booby or sleeping.

I had all these great plans to document her milestones but honestly I don't think I have had a moment to sit down and do it, how do all those mothers do it, well gotta go she crying...

Well she is finally here

and I can sit here at the computer for a little bit. My water broke at 7:00am Tuesday, January 23rd, we took our time but collected everything together and headed to our doctors usually a 45 minute drive. We took our time going up and stopped for gas and breakfast first. We made it to my doctors about 10:00am. After 18 hours of labor she arrived at 12:46am weighing 6lbs8ozs and a healthy 21 inches long. The water birth was amazing...

I can't believe my mom had that shirt on while I was laboring:

Labor begins

Tuesday, January 23, 2007 7:18AM

Real contractions began last night just about the time of our Doctors appt. By the time Hero's came on (9:00pm they were 6 minutes apart)! I went to bed around 11:00 and slept pretty well until about 4:45am when I had a pretty good one wake me up! Still 6 minutes apart at 6:30 I decided to take a shower when they started coming much closer together, just as I got out of the shower my water broke at 7:00. We are getting ready to leave for Dr. Hayes office in Hendersonville. We are about to meet our little girl.

Still 2cm's

We went for our weekly checkup yesterday, and unfortunatley there has been no change since last week! The suspence is killing me. When is it going to really start? We will be 39 weeks in 2 days, I should just be thankful we have made it to here, I will keep reminding myself of that!

Any day now!

Well here we are at almost 39 weeks and I can barely contain myself, it's not that I am anxious to not be pregnant, I am just so ready to hold her and kiss her and show her how much she is wanted, appreciated, and loved!
I have to say I am so extremely blessed right now, I have finally found the perfect job for myself, I really enjoy going to work everyday and I could'nt love the people I work with more. I can honestly say I am going to miss them while on my maternity leave so much so I actually asked to work the week after my maternity leave started. However at Tim's request, Yesterday will probably be my last day as I have now been dilated to 2cm since monday and it can't be too much longer now, can it?
So for now I guess we just keep waiting........................